Life is often unfair, but we can not complain about the things we cannot change or the things we did our best at. Life is not supposed to be an easy skip and jump through existence, but a learning and growing experience. If we do not put our all into the things we do or the way we do them then why is it we do them.
The hardships of living here are just part of life but we have the means to change the way they are done. I walk these street looking around me and I see myself in the faces of the young, the ones who are teased and the ones who are cast aside. I do not say thins to find pity in the ones who are examining my thoughts on this subject, but to express a viewpoint on the things I let happen and the things I am trying to change...
I was always a bigger kid, the fat one in gym or the lunch room. not athletic untill later in life. I guess my family was willing to let me be big because I was a small sickly child at birth born at 4.5lbs I was not a big baby but I lived. I grew day by day year by year, then I realized I was 16 and 236 lbs at only 5' 10"... I realized that for years I was big, others so sweetly pointed it out for years but I thought it was all just the same stupid teasing that had been going on for years. Then i saw a picture of myself and I realized how big i was.. I was disturbed at the I saw that all of those years I was really obese. so i looked back at the photos and saw the transformation from sickly boy to big preteen and huge teen. I started to diet, so angry with myself and so disgusted with what I was. I was doing it the wrong way of course, not eating and pushing my body to the point of physical exhaustion. I lost almost 60 lbs in 4 months, I was 175 lbs.
People started to notice the difference and worried. I still wonder if it was because the were not used to a skinny me or if it was the fact they realized I was not eating more than a piece of cheese a day. either way I felt great and thought I looked good, so I stopped dieting and my routine of extreme and for over a year I was this weight. then collage started and I started to gain again, it was slow and I didn't realize how much I was putting on. about the summer of 2009 I saw a picture of myself and saw that i was big again. I was at that point 275 lbs. I again lost my heart, but this time I did things differently, I dieted with healthy food and exercised a few times a week more meals small portions and watched my calorie intake. It took me almost a year but now I am about 190, and a healthy look. I have muscle mass and less body fat, and look a lot better.
All this to say I took control of where I was, what I was doing, how I was doing it. I have the power to make myself the person I want to be. I motivated myself to to the things I have done, I used the fat jokes and comments from adam, a coworker, to push when I needed it and to maintain a diet trend, so thank you you ass. he is the type of person who says oh I am fat but has a six pack and tears everyone around him down out of some sort of sad self help desire. but it doesnt matter, I have to take control of my path if I ever want those things to end, If i want to be free from the jokes, humiliations, I must act. I admit I still have a little ways to go in order to be fit but I am happy for the first time in a while and have the confidence to dress in fitted clothes.
NO MATTER what others say or do to you, it is always you who have the power to change the things you want to change, we don't need these fitness shows or trainers we just need our own desire in ourselves to go and do it. To thine own self be true... I know this is slightly contradictory but Its whats going through my head tonight... pray for the ones who need the support and if you are looking for the motivation to change something... look within and look up...
This is quite inspiring. Thank you for posting it!
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