Life is often unfair, but we can not complain about the things we cannot change or the things we did our best at. Life is not supposed to be an easy skip and jump through existence, but a learning and growing experience. If we do not put our all into the things we do or the way we do them then why is it we do them.
The hardships of living here are just part of life but we have the means to change the way they are done. I walk these street looking around me and I see myself in the faces of the young, the ones who are teased and the ones who are cast aside. I do not say thins to find pity in the ones who are examining my thoughts on this subject, but to express a viewpoint on the things I let happen and the things I am trying to change...
I was always a bigger kid, the fat one in gym or the lunch room. not athletic untill later in life. I guess my family was willing to let me be big because I was a small sickly child at birth born at 4.5lbs I was not a big baby but I lived. I grew day by day year by year, then I realized I was 16 and 236 lbs at only 5' 10"... I realized that for years I was big, others so sweetly pointed it out for years but I thought it was all just the same stupid teasing that had been going on for years. Then i saw a picture of myself and I realized how big i was.. I was disturbed at the I saw that all of those years I was really obese. so i looked back at the photos and saw the transformation from sickly boy to big preteen and huge teen. I started to diet, so angry with myself and so disgusted with what I was. I was doing it the wrong way of course, not eating and pushing my body to the point of physical exhaustion. I lost almost 60 lbs in 4 months, I was 175 lbs.
People started to notice the difference and worried. I still wonder if it was because the were not used to a skinny me or if it was the fact they realized I was not eating more than a piece of cheese a day. either way I felt great and thought I looked good, so I stopped dieting and my routine of extreme and for over a year I was this weight. then collage started and I started to gain again, it was slow and I didn't realize how much I was putting on. about the summer of 2009 I saw a picture of myself and saw that i was big again. I was at that point 275 lbs. I again lost my heart, but this time I did things differently, I dieted with healthy food and exercised a few times a week more meals small portions and watched my calorie intake. It took me almost a year but now I am about 190, and a healthy look. I have muscle mass and less body fat, and look a lot better.
All this to say I took control of where I was, what I was doing, how I was doing it. I have the power to make myself the person I want to be. I motivated myself to to the things I have done, I used the fat jokes and comments from adam, a coworker, to push when I needed it and to maintain a diet trend, so thank you you ass. he is the type of person who says oh I am fat but has a six pack and tears everyone around him down out of some sort of sad self help desire. but it doesnt matter, I have to take control of my path if I ever want those things to end, If i want to be free from the jokes, humiliations, I must act. I admit I still have a little ways to go in order to be fit but I am happy for the first time in a while and have the confidence to dress in fitted clothes.
NO MATTER what others say or do to you, it is always you who have the power to change the things you want to change, we don't need these fitness shows or trainers we just need our own desire in ourselves to go and do it. To thine own self be true... I know this is slightly contradictory but Its whats going through my head tonight... pray for the ones who need the support and if you are looking for the motivation to change something... look within and look up...
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Last to Know
She just walked away
Why didn't she tell me?
And where do I go tonight?
This isn't happening to me
This can't be happening to me
She didn't say a word
Just walked away
You were the first to say
That we were not okay
You were the first to lie
When we were not alright
This was my first love
She was the first to go
And when she left me for you
I was the last to know
Why didn't she tell me
Where to go tonight?
She didn't say a word
She just walked away
You were the first to say
That we were not okay
You were the first to lie
When we were not alright
This was my first love
She was the first to go
And when she left me for you
I was the last to know
I'll be the first to say
That now I'm okay
And for the first time
I've opened up my eyes
This was my worst love
You'll be the first to go
And when she leaves you for dead
You'll be the last to know
-Three Days Grace
Why didn't she tell me?
And where do I go tonight?
This isn't happening to me
This can't be happening to me
She didn't say a word
Just walked away
You were the first to say
That we were not okay
You were the first to lie
When we were not alright
This was my first love
She was the first to go
And when she left me for you
I was the last to know
Why didn't she tell me
Where to go tonight?
She didn't say a word
She just walked away
You were the first to say
That we were not okay
You were the first to lie
When we were not alright
This was my first love
She was the first to go
And when she left me for you
I was the last to know
I'll be the first to say
That now I'm okay
And for the first time
I've opened up my eyes
This was my worst love
You'll be the first to go
And when she leaves you for dead
You'll be the last to know
-Three Days Grace
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I miss you...
Last fall you left us,
you left pain and misery,
you left the suffering and agony
so here I am thinking about you every day that I am here and you are not,
I don't know what I would have ever been or would have ever done
without you in my life.
you raised me like a father,
everything I am today I am because of you...
I miss coming in the front door and seeing you at your workbench,
I wish i had spent more time with you down there.
I wish lots of things... I miss everything...
Grandpa you meant the world to me... you were the strongest person I know
you loved all of us, were there for us, and was always the first one who would help us in a bind.
I miss the days we spent hunting together... the countless hours under the car,
I keep asking myself if I had just one more day...
one more...
But what could I accomplish in one day... I would probably use it to just sit and work with you...
so here is to the most honest, hardest working, greatest mentor, parent, and man...
Waino Anderson...
-in addendum- the speech from your funeral...
I wanted to say a few words about my grandfather. he was the kind of man who touched everyone he met. My grandfather was a man of few words but the lessons I learned from him came from the heart and they will follow me throughout my life. He taught me everything I know, how to hunt, how to fix my car, how to work, how to live, and how to be a man. He taught me what a real man is. One who provides for his family, one who protects his family and one who loves his family. He was my teacher, my hunting partner and my role model. I know that I will miss him terribly and will think of him often. A friend gave me some words that have been comforting they were
Revelation 7:9-10
9After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. 10And they cried out in a loud voice: "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb."
Knowing my grandfather is standing in heaven singing praise to God instead of being here with pain, gives me peace and joy and a promise that I will see him again someday. It comforts me to know that He will be watching over me as I continue on my path through life.
I spent a lot of time with him in the last few months, we talked about life and memories and of family. He told me how proud he was of each of us.
Thank you grandpa for everything you have done for me. You have been my light and inspiration and I will continue to mold my life after you.
you left pain and misery,
you left the suffering and agony
so here I am thinking about you every day that I am here and you are not,
I don't know what I would have ever been or would have ever done
without you in my life.
you raised me like a father,
everything I am today I am because of you...
I miss coming in the front door and seeing you at your workbench,
I wish i had spent more time with you down there.
I wish lots of things... I miss everything...
Grandpa you meant the world to me... you were the strongest person I know
you loved all of us, were there for us, and was always the first one who would help us in a bind.
I miss the days we spent hunting together... the countless hours under the car,
I keep asking myself if I had just one more day...
one more...
But what could I accomplish in one day... I would probably use it to just sit and work with you...
so here is to the most honest, hardest working, greatest mentor, parent, and man...
Waino Anderson...
-in addendum- the speech from your funeral...
I wanted to say a few words about my grandfather. he was the kind of man who touched everyone he met. My grandfather was a man of few words but the lessons I learned from him came from the heart and they will follow me throughout my life. He taught me everything I know, how to hunt, how to fix my car, how to work, how to live, and how to be a man. He taught me what a real man is. One who provides for his family, one who protects his family and one who loves his family. He was my teacher, my hunting partner and my role model. I know that I will miss him terribly and will think of him often. A friend gave me some words that have been comforting they were
Revelation 7:9-10
9After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. 10And they cried out in a loud voice: "Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb."
Knowing my grandfather is standing in heaven singing praise to God instead of being here with pain, gives me peace and joy and a promise that I will see him again someday. It comforts me to know that He will be watching over me as I continue on my path through life.
I spent a lot of time with him in the last few months, we talked about life and memories and of family. He told me how proud he was of each of us.
Thank you grandpa for everything you have done for me. You have been my light and inspiration and I will continue to mold my life after you.
Things guys should do for their girls...
*Leave her cute text messages.
*Kiss her in front of your friends.
*Trust her over everyone else.
*Tell her she looks beautiful.
*Look her in the eye when you talk to her.
*Stick up for her.
*Give her the remote every once and a while.
*Tell her stupid jokes to make her laugh.
*Let her mess with your hair.
*Mess with HER hair.
*Just walk around with her.
*Include her in most things you do.
*When she crys do whatever to make her smile.
*Forgive her for her mistakes.
*Look at her like she's the only girl you see.
*Tickle her even if she says stop.
*Hold her hand even when you are around your friends.
*Let her fall asleep in your arms.
*Dance with her.
*Be patient when she is getting ready.
*Sing to her, even if you cant.
*Tease her and let her tease you back.
*Stay up with her all night when she's sick.
*Watch her favorite movie.
*Kiss her forehead.
*Give her the world.
**WRiTE HER LETTERS.**
*When she's sad, hang out with her.
*Let her know she is important.
*Hold the doors for her.
*Pull the Chair out for her.
*Remember the day you met her.
*Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
*Kiss her in the rain.
*And when you fall in love with her, tell her.
*And when you do tell her.. Love her like you never have loved before
*Kiss her in front of your friends.
*Trust her over everyone else.
*Tell her she looks beautiful.
*Look her in the eye when you talk to her.
*Stick up for her.
*Give her the remote every once and a while.
*Tell her stupid jokes to make her laugh.
*Let her mess with your hair.
*Mess with HER hair.
*Just walk around with her.
*Include her in most things you do.
*When she crys do whatever to make her smile.
*Forgive her for her mistakes.
*Look at her like she's the only girl you see.
*Tickle her even if she says stop.
*Hold her hand even when you are around your friends.
*Let her fall asleep in your arms.
*Dance with her.
*Be patient when she is getting ready.
*Sing to her, even if you cant.
*Tease her and let her tease you back.
*Stay up with her all night when she's sick.
*Watch her favorite movie.
*Kiss her forehead.
*Give her the world.
**WRiTE HER LETTERS.**
*When she's sad, hang out with her.
*Let her know she is important.
*Hold the doors for her.
*Pull the Chair out for her.
*Remember the day you met her.
*Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
*Kiss her in the rain.
*And when you fall in love with her, tell her.
*And when you do tell her.. Love her like you never have loved before
What we do in life...
Life is not the things we have or the things we do, but it is who we do them with. Life is complicated by us in our attempts to over analyze everything we do, say, and even think. We have so much to offer one another each and every day we live we should share with those around us, what if today was the last day we had, how would you spend it? My guess is with those you love.
I often think that I had little impact on the world.I soon realized that so many of the people I love and those who have impacted me through my life thought the same. The greatest thing we can give to others is ourselves and our time. There have been many people in my life who have been there for me when I needed it the most, friends, family and even every once and a while a complete stranger. When we give of ourselves it lets someone know that we care and that we are all on this ride together and the best way to do it is together. It is often the greatest impacts that are the ones we don't think about when we do them and the ones that often are exactly when people need them. helping someone pick up their stuff when it fell over, holding a door for someone. These are the kinds of things that we don't think about but can often be the biggest impacts on others lives. If someone is having a day where everything is going against them they feel as if no one cares , the mere fact that you show that you noticed them and you are willing to help might be the thing that they needed to keep going at that moment. We all have days where we just need someone to talk to, being there and listening to others helps in so many ways even if it cant be fixed the fact that you are showing care for another is all that is needed sometimes. Showing love, empathy and kindness to the world around us is what life and living is about.
Love is more than an emotion, to love is to live. We are capable to show love for those around us all the time, yet we are impatient, we become so wrapped up in our lives and what we are doing we forget what is really important in life and that is to show the world love. Learning to love and forgive, learning to be open with one another, learning to show that people matter. It all starts in the heart, the mind and the soul. I have been blessed with the kindness of others through my life most of which I could never return, but the point is not that I have to return it but to be decent and loving to all around me is what I should do, because you don't know what everyone is going through, so don't judge, don't look down on anyone, but be the hand that helps them stand up, be the smile that brightens their day, be a human being show love.
My friends have been there for me in my darkest hours, I have new friends who have been there and shown me love and care that didn't even know me but they were there to show that they cared. I have had complete strangers welcome me and bring me into a place where I can be open and others will be there to listen. We all want to share this journey of life, what is holding us back from showing someone that they do matter... is it that our latte took too long? is it that my phone dropped a call? these things don't matter in the bigger picture, all that matters is how we act, say and do to and for those around us. Life is too short to fill it with hate and anger, to spread sorrow and pain. We should Love others as we would want to be loved in return.
I want to thank all of those people who have been there for me. My family, my friends, my teachers and even those who I don't know, the greatest impacts are the ones we do without knowing it. Thank you.
I often think that I had little impact on the world.I soon realized that so many of the people I love and those who have impacted me through my life thought the same. The greatest thing we can give to others is ourselves and our time. There have been many people in my life who have been there for me when I needed it the most, friends, family and even every once and a while a complete stranger. When we give of ourselves it lets someone know that we care and that we are all on this ride together and the best way to do it is together. It is often the greatest impacts that are the ones we don't think about when we do them and the ones that often are exactly when people need them. helping someone pick up their stuff when it fell over, holding a door for someone. These are the kinds of things that we don't think about but can often be the biggest impacts on others lives. If someone is having a day where everything is going against them they feel as if no one cares , the mere fact that you show that you noticed them and you are willing to help might be the thing that they needed to keep going at that moment. We all have days where we just need someone to talk to, being there and listening to others helps in so many ways even if it cant be fixed the fact that you are showing care for another is all that is needed sometimes. Showing love, empathy and kindness to the world around us is what life and living is about.
Love is more than an emotion, to love is to live. We are capable to show love for those around us all the time, yet we are impatient, we become so wrapped up in our lives and what we are doing we forget what is really important in life and that is to show the world love. Learning to love and forgive, learning to be open with one another, learning to show that people matter. It all starts in the heart, the mind and the soul. I have been blessed with the kindness of others through my life most of which I could never return, but the point is not that I have to return it but to be decent and loving to all around me is what I should do, because you don't know what everyone is going through, so don't judge, don't look down on anyone, but be the hand that helps them stand up, be the smile that brightens their day, be a human being show love.
My friends have been there for me in my darkest hours, I have new friends who have been there and shown me love and care that didn't even know me but they were there to show that they cared. I have had complete strangers welcome me and bring me into a place where I can be open and others will be there to listen. We all want to share this journey of life, what is holding us back from showing someone that they do matter... is it that our latte took too long? is it that my phone dropped a call? these things don't matter in the bigger picture, all that matters is how we act, say and do to and for those around us. Life is too short to fill it with hate and anger, to spread sorrow and pain. We should Love others as we would want to be loved in return.
I want to thank all of those people who have been there for me. My family, my friends, my teachers and even those who I don't know, the greatest impacts are the ones we do without knowing it. Thank you.
Nice guys finish last...
I know we have all heard the phrase nice guys finish last. well I guess I can see why, but in reality nice guys are the bomb. I have the privilege of examining many different relationships in my life and all I can say is what is wrong with it all. There are many good guys with good girls so please don't insinuate that I am talking about your relationship, I really am being general. I want to give a cheer to the guy who is considered the nice guy the one who knows what the word chivalry means, the guy who actually cares about the girl he is with and not after a "quick fix". To those guys who still believe that being kind and polite to lady's and not being an absolute pig with every moment of the day. Guys get your head out of the gutter, yes you notice her beauty but respect it as well...
The nice guy tends to get stepped on which can be seen as a weakness and I know it is not a desirable quality cause no one likes to be pushed around. I have to say its not only a one way thing, people dont appreciate what they have until its gone, or they realize the important things in life and see that the one who fits all those qualities is the nice guy from high school or collage or the local coffee shop who they got to meet over time and talked to and ranted about bad relationships with. Guess what they stayed there with you didn't they, they listened, they tried to be there, but the second they seem like they want to consider a "future" its umm I see us as friends. boom the guy has been there and shown he has loved al along and what does he get for being a jerk or showy or the big shot... the friend zone... and when he or she shows interest outside of being friends its all over. sometimes that person stays around for a while maybe even years but who knows. There are hidden gems in everyone, its the value we put on these gems and how hard we are willing to seek them out instead of trying to force them into someone. So the friend and great guy is put off for the dangerous guy. Don't get me wrong, the dangerous guy has gems of his own. He is a type and we all seek different types but as in the nice guy there are some negatives as well.
The dangerous guy the one who they all want to tame. Guess what people don't change except for themselves so in order for you to change someone their perspective and ideal towards life and themselves has to change... and hey lets face it if you are willing to give him what he wants, someone else is too and when you try to use it to "help" him he will go and find that other person who is willing. The dangerous guy is more fun, and can be more spontaneous, which is all good but is it reliable, or honest toward a long term relationship. Maybe, maybe not. If you are looking at a relationship and you see things that oh only if he was more this or maybe if he would start doing that... then maybe he isn't the one you fantasized him to be. You should never have to change someone to be the perfect person, but you will find someone who is already perfect to you with their every great quality and their flaws as well, find someone who loves you for you, not who you could be or who they could be.
The whole point of what I wanted to say is why is it that when a good guy meets a dangerous guy, the dangerous guy ridicules the nice guy for being a chicken, and a lesser man. Many times I have seen the nice guy made fun of for wanting to treat people with a different level of respect and concern than others. Guess what nice guys don't like it, but being a nice guy they wont be a prick back. So please if you have got anything out of this let it be leave the nice guy alone let him be the kind of man he chooses and give him the respect he gives you. He is not a lesser man than you, and if you disagree then maybe you should figure out why you think your ideals are better than anyone else...I am tired of seeing good guys punished for being nice, its not a bad things to believe in things oh guess what its not dumb to believe in abstinence... so lay off of those who want to save it for marriage, its a personal choice don't tell others that they are making the wrong one. Rock out -Mitch
The nice guy tends to get stepped on which can be seen as a weakness and I know it is not a desirable quality cause no one likes to be pushed around. I have to say its not only a one way thing, people dont appreciate what they have until its gone, or they realize the important things in life and see that the one who fits all those qualities is the nice guy from high school or collage or the local coffee shop who they got to meet over time and talked to and ranted about bad relationships with. Guess what they stayed there with you didn't they, they listened, they tried to be there, but the second they seem like they want to consider a "future" its umm I see us as friends. boom the guy has been there and shown he has loved al along and what does he get for being a jerk or showy or the big shot... the friend zone... and when he or she shows interest outside of being friends its all over. sometimes that person stays around for a while maybe even years but who knows. There are hidden gems in everyone, its the value we put on these gems and how hard we are willing to seek them out instead of trying to force them into someone. So the friend and great guy is put off for the dangerous guy. Don't get me wrong, the dangerous guy has gems of his own. He is a type and we all seek different types but as in the nice guy there are some negatives as well.
The dangerous guy the one who they all want to tame. Guess what people don't change except for themselves so in order for you to change someone their perspective and ideal towards life and themselves has to change... and hey lets face it if you are willing to give him what he wants, someone else is too and when you try to use it to "help" him he will go and find that other person who is willing. The dangerous guy is more fun, and can be more spontaneous, which is all good but is it reliable, or honest toward a long term relationship. Maybe, maybe not. If you are looking at a relationship and you see things that oh only if he was more this or maybe if he would start doing that... then maybe he isn't the one you fantasized him to be. You should never have to change someone to be the perfect person, but you will find someone who is already perfect to you with their every great quality and their flaws as well, find someone who loves you for you, not who you could be or who they could be.
The whole point of what I wanted to say is why is it that when a good guy meets a dangerous guy, the dangerous guy ridicules the nice guy for being a chicken, and a lesser man. Many times I have seen the nice guy made fun of for wanting to treat people with a different level of respect and concern than others. Guess what nice guys don't like it, but being a nice guy they wont be a prick back. So please if you have got anything out of this let it be leave the nice guy alone let him be the kind of man he chooses and give him the respect he gives you. He is not a lesser man than you, and if you disagree then maybe you should figure out why you think your ideals are better than anyone else...I am tired of seeing good guys punished for being nice, its not a bad things to believe in things oh guess what its not dumb to believe in abstinence... so lay off of those who want to save it for marriage, its a personal choice don't tell others that they are making the wrong one. Rock out -Mitch
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